How I Overcome Anxiety
Disclaimer: I am not a doctor or mental health provider. I am not here to give medical advise but simply to share my story about how I personally battle anxiety. The information provided is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment that can be provided by your own medical provider, mental health provider, or member of the clergy. Please don't disregard or delay seeking professional advice because of what you read here and don't stop taking any medications without speaking to your own medical or mental health provider. If you have or suspect that you have a medical or mental health problem, please contact them immediately.
I have been wanting to write this post for a while now but felt hesitant to put myself out there. However, when I was going through a difficult period in my life, it was those amazing people who shared their experiences online and shared important tips that helped me to feel I was not alone and that I could gain control of my life.
Growing up I have always suffered from anxiety but I wasn't aware of it nor understood what anxiety was. I was always considered a bit strange, having dramatic mood swings, being easily excited or irritated. After school, in the car, I would shut down and become depressed. Now I know becoming tired from being around people for extended periods of time is also due to being an introvert, but my depression was not normal.
Fast forward to my second year in university. I was around people I didn't know well, experiencing culture shock, having a hard time with whatever relationship I was in. I questioned myself all the time and to be honest I still do. Towards the end of the first semester, I ended a relationship with someone so I could focus on what I thought was my happiness: drinking, going out and being free to do whatever I wanted. It was my way every break to feel a false sense of freedom and control over my life. However, once Christmas break ended I realized what I thought was contributing to my happiness was actually keeping me from feeling fulfilled. Luckily enough, my amazing boyfriend took me back. But the following semester was far worse.
I was in a theology class that questioned every single belief I had about God and my faith, providing no concrete answers or pointing out the dangers of such a practice. Then began a full-fledged meltdown. My depression and anxiety overwhelmed me. I could not go to class, enter the school, have a conversation with my roommates, friends or family, or just do menial tasks without having a panic attack I couldn't control. I shrank back in my shame, believing that something was wrong with me and that I was going crazy. I couldn't talk to anyone about my problems, besides for one or two friends. I considered dropping out of school and even ending my life. There was literal blackness all around me. That summer, living in a huge house with only one other person, I would have panic attacks at night if the windows were open and would make my roommate close the curtains while I hid and cried. My anxiety left me feeling so drained that I was unable to function.
Luckily, and though I wish no one would ever have to experience this, there were people who understood and could provide me with much needed knowledge and encouragement. Of course not everything they suggested works for me, but here is what does:
Cutting out caffeine, sugar and starch.
I was eating chocolate chip muffins almost every day, Fridays were waffle days, I always ate desserts on Wednesdays, I had frappuccinos every weekend, I ate peanut butter & jelly sandwiches like every day... You get my point. Though I wasn't putting on the pounds like I would if I did that now, it was taking a serious toll on my mental health. It's known that sugar and caffeine give you a high and then a crash, making your heart race and leaving you feeling tired. These effects on your body induce anxiety and and worsen the symptoms of it. Once I cut these things out my anxiety reduced significantly. Now and again I have coffee and get heart palpitations, the shakes and can't hold a conversation and I'm reminded why I don't need those things in my life. Starchy foods, on the other hand, are the opposite extreme. I become extremely tired and get brain fog. I can't focus, I forget simple words or what I've been doing for the last few days, I can't hold a conversation or remember what people have told me. I see this as the sleepy side of anxiety, one where any contact with people is extremely difficult and even more draining.
Moving to a new city.
Now I know not everyone can just up and leave where they live and start a life somewhere else, but I strongly believe that if you know a situation or a place is making you anxious or depressed and you can't work through it then you need to leave. For me, moving to a new place also meant changing my behavior. My visits home consisted less of partying and more of spending time with people and doing activities that I knew would better my life. In your day to day life, this could look like deleting social media apps, removing negative people from your life, or going to an art show instead of to a club on the weekend.
Exercising.
We've all heard the benefits of exercising so I won't go on about this one. Just know that exercise is good for the body and the soul!
Fidgeting.
When I feel anxious, repeated actions such as twirling my thumbs or repeatedly rubbing a textured object would help me to remain focused. I become more aware of the feeling of the action than I am on what is triggering my anxiety. It just has a very calming effect.
Correcting thoughts of self-hatred and self-harm with positive words of affirmation.
I started to believe that all I was was my anxiety and depression, that it would never go away and I would never be able to function properly. I felt like an unnecessary burden on my friends, family and boyfriend and that ending my life was a simple solution to the thoughts in my head. However, I had to tell myself that I was not an anxious person but a person with anxiety and that it may never go away fully but it doesn't have to rule over me. Listen to motivational messages. They may be cheesy but there's a lot of truth.
Getting adequate rest and having a normal sleep cycle.
This is another one of those tips you've heard a million times but it is so true. You will have so much more energy and be able to function a lot better.
Talking to people I trusted who loved me unconditionally.
Hopefully you have someone in your life that you feel this way with. If not don't be afraid to turn to a stranger who has had experience in this situation or calling a help hotline. Being able to open up about my problems and have someone tell me it will be okay is sometimes all that I need to get through my day. They can also give some helpful advice.
Praying and struggling through my faith.
It's somehow so hard to talk to God and yet so easy when you're in this situation. My issue was that I had no idea who God was anymore but just reflecting on what he's done for me in my life and why I know he exists is a big reason I'm still even holding onto my faith today. I still have so many questions that I know will never be answered but I also know that that's what faith is and it is okay.
Facing my fears.
I had to teach and reason with myself that a situation that I'm afraid of will not cause me to die and will not define me. I started to tell myself that once I get through to the other side, my brain will be able to realize that the situation is not a threat to my well-being. For example, I refused to do a presentation and risked failing a class because my anxiety told me I couldn't do it. I reinforced that idea in myself that presentations are a threat. However, since then I have forced myself to do presentations, even if it means doing it poorly, because I know I will survive and who cares right? No one listens to boring presentations anyways and they forget about you once the class is over. They still scare the crap out of me and I'm no good at them still but I know I can get through and that fear is no longer overpowering.
I know that is post is a bit lengthy but I know that there are people out there who feel like they are alone, going crazy and that there is no hope for them. Please know that you are worth every bit of self-love you can give yourself and the thoughts in your head don't define you or have to control you. Your strong might not be strong to someone else but that doesn't matter. All that matters is that you keep trying. Sometimes strong just means getting out of bed in the morning or just taking a day out to care for yourself. You are blessed and can change your life if you focus and take on each challenge head on.